Spike vs Xander
by skyz
Summary: Spike and Xander face off in a game for the ages....Xander style!
1. Xander vs Spike

Spike vs. Xander  
  
By: skyz  
  
A/N: This is just something that came to mind as I was thinking. I know..it's stupid, but I found it amusing. I just couldn't get it out of my mind so I typed it up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Xander stared at his nemesis as he loosened up. He jogged in place and rolled his shoulders.  
  
"How you doing Xander?" Willow's voice drew his attention from the peroxide blond across the room.  
  
"I'm good," he muttered.  
  
"You sure? Maybe you wanna back out?" Willow asked in concern as she too glanced at the vampire a frown of worry marring her forehead.  
  
"Never," Xander spat.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile on the other side of the room...  
  
"You ready?" Buffy asked Spike as she gently massaged his shoulders.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"This has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever se---"  
  
"Shut up Dawn," Buffy snapped glaring at her sister. "They need to do this!"  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes and grumbling beneath her breath strode away.  
  
"Nervous pet?" he asked as he glanced up at her, a small smile playing around his mouth.  
  
"God yes! This is----this is big Spike! I don't want either of you to get hurt! I---"  
  
"We won't I swear I won't hurt him. Much."  
  
  
  
Across the Room....  
  
"What do you think she's saying to him?" Xander demanded as he watched Buffy and Spike talk.  
  
"I don't know Xander. I have to ask is this really the way you want to handle this?" Willow asked as she glanced up at him.  
  
"You think I should be afraid of Dead boy jr?! Look at my hands Wills! Look. Steady as rocks," Xander boasted as he raised his hands to Willow's face.  
  
She grimaced slightly and nodded.  
  
"Okay Xan. Good luck," she gave him a big hug before she released him. "Go get him!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't think you should do this," Buffy admitted as she chewed her lip.  
  
"What?! You don't want me to do this? I thought this was what you wanted pet?"  
  
"It was. But this is taking it to extremes Spike! I didn't want it to turn out like this."  
  
"You're the one who left it up to the whelp and there is no way I'll forfeit to Harris! Never! Now move woman, I'm gonna kick his ass!"  
  
Buffy was shoved aside as Spike stormed to the middle of the room and glared at Xander.  
  
"Come on then," he growled.  
  
Xander faced him and managed to twist his face into some semblance of a fierce mask of determination as he flopped down on the couch.  
  
"You're goin' down Captain Peroxide," Xander snarled sitting forward.  
  
"We'll see about that whelp," was all Spike said as he steeled himself.  
  
"Okay," Willow said as she stood at the foot of the coffee table, hands on hips her resolve face firmly in place.  
  
All eyes turned to her.  
  
"Pick up your cans," she ordered.  
  
Xander grabbed his right up, but Spike hesitated as he picked it up then put it down.  
  
"Spike are you having second thoughts?" Willow asked.  
  
"No! He's gonna do it," Buffy spoke up before he could.  
  
Spike nodded and clenching his jaw picked up the can.  
  
"You guys---do you realize how stupid this is?! I mean am I the only sane person-"  
  
"Dawn." Everyone cried out in irritation. Glares all around for the teenager.  
  
She crossed her arms and took a spot to the side of Spike a look of disgust on her face.  
  
"On three then. One...Two..Three," Willow yelled.  
  
Xander tore the cap off the can of cheese and immediately began devouring it.  
  
Spike fumbled with his own can, before he got the cap off and hesitantly sprayed some into his mouth. His face scrunched up and he gagged.  
  
"C'mon Spike," Buffy cheered him on. "You can do it!"  
  
"Oh..good job Xander. One can down, two to go," Willow yelled jumping up and down in delight that her best friend was winning.  
  
Spike choked the rest of his can down a pinched look on his face and tore into the second can. His eyes met Xander's briefly and he growled.  
  
His growl caused him to choke and he gagged as he dropped his can and- --  
  
Dawn's squeal came as he let the contents in his mouth fly.  
  
Willow started, dropped, and rolled to get out of the way.  
  
Buffy ducked safely behind the couch.  
  
Dawn was too slow as she dived for cover.  
  
"Oh my god, my clothes! Spike!!! How could you?!" she whined as she landed on the floor with little grace and a hell of a lot of indignation.  
  
Xander jumped to his feet, the snoopy dance coming forth as he raised his arms above his head.  
  
"I win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WIN. YOU LOSE SPIKE! TO THE VICTOR GO THE--- you know what I mean. I win. I win. I win," he gloated globs of cheese escaping as he danced around mouth open in a grin.  
  
"Bloody hell," Spike gasped as he collapsed to the floor.  
  
Buffy hurried to him.  
  
Willow embraced Xander and they did the snoopy dance together.  
  
"Are you okay Spike?" Buffy asked as she eyed him.  
  
"How do you people eat that crap?" he grumbled as he wiped his mouth.  
  
Buffy murmured consolingly to him as he rose to his feet.  
  
Spike's eyes narrowed as they rested on Xander.  
  
"I beat you," Xander said as he met Spike head on.  
  
"Next time Harris," Spike growled.  
  
"Next time me and you Spike," Dawn yelled marching up to him and poking him in the chest.  
  
He stumbled back in alarm.  
  
"Nibblet..." he began.  
  
"No..you and me. You ruined my favorite outfit Spike that calls for payback-"  
  
"Now c'mon Dawn no need for violence," Willow began.  
  
"Fine then," Spike snapped. "But you remember this Harris...I'll get you for this. I'll get you and your bloody can of cheese!"  
  
Spike stormed out and was trailed by an angry Dawn and a torn Buffy.  
  
"Bye guys," she called as she hurried out.  
  
"We'll see Spike," Xander yelled after him. "We'll see!" 


	2. Dawn vs Spike

Spike vs. Xander..Xander style cont'd:  
  
A/N: Hi all. New chapter here. Hope you enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Btvs and Ats  
  
~*~*~  
  
Dawn vs. Spike:1  
  
"Do it," Dawn ordered.  
  
"No," Spike muttered crossing his arms and glaring at the girl.  
  
Dawn glared right back and then turned her gaze to Xander who was lounging on the couch snickering.  
  
"You think this is funny Harris?" Spike growled. He took a threatening step towards Xander and flashed his fangs briefly.  
  
Xander shrank back slightly before he realized he had nothing to fear.  
  
"Whatcha gonna do Spike?" he taunted as he rose to his feet and danced around a furious Spike.  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
Dawn's scream caused everyone in the room to look at her in surprise.  
  
"Must you scream so loud Dawn," Giles snapped rubbing his brow as a headache formed.  
  
"Yeh! I mean one can only take so much of your screeching! And your incessant whining! It always 'why can't you treat me-"Anya began.  
  
"I. Do. Not. Whine." Dawn gritted out cutting Anya off.  
  
Spike glanced from Anya to Dawn and warily took a step out of the danger zone.  
  
"Of course you don't Dawnie," Willow spoke up from her place in the corner. "You just have a way with words that comes out in an extremely annoying way. That's not whiny. That's just you being you."  
  
Dawn huffed as she crossed her arms across her chest and glared all around.  
  
"You stand next to him Xander," she snapped as she glanced at him.  
  
"Whoa! Hey there Dawnster I don't think you're whiny. In fact, you're the best! Please don't make-"  
  
"It was your fault too," she growled and shoved Xander next to Spike.  
  
"No it wasn't," Xander denied.  
  
"Well, technically it was honey. It was your cheese that ruined her clothes," Anya said.  
  
Xander shook his head furiously.  
  
"But Spike's the one who actually did it," he whined looking pleadingly at Dawn.  
  
He found no support there though.  
  
Spike straightened and uncrossed his arms; he smiled, put on his most sincere voice.  
  
"Nibblet, c'mon this is taking it too far. Sure I ruined your favorite outfit but I told you I'd nick you a new one," he muttered.  
  
"Will that not affect your newly souled status Spike? Should you be condoning such illegal activities to Dawn?" Giles asked.  
  
Spike threw back his head and laughed.  
  
"Are you bloody serious?" he asked. When he saw that Giles was serious, he laughed even harder. "Oh right. I forgot. We aren't to mention all the illegal activities you all participate in and have done in the years you've been Scoobies. Stealing would be the least of my crimes..."  
  
Dawn scowled at Spike.  
  
"You mean for this month?" she mockingly asked.  
  
"I've got a soul here! All this talk of illegal activities is making me antsy. So I'll just get you the new outfit. I'll even pay for it!"  
  
Spike nodded and turned as he clearly thought all was said and done.  
  
"No you'll do this. Willow?" Dawn asked.  
  
Willow slowly stood and backed away.  
  
"I can't have a part in this Dawn," she said shaking her head and lifting her hands.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"For the love of God this has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever not been a part of! If you're going to do this, do it yourself Dawn," Giles groaned.  
  
"Oh! I'll do it!"  
  
Dawn grinned as Anya jumped up and strode determinedly towards her goal.  
  
"Sexual healing..."  
  
"Anya," everyone screamed.  
  
She glanced up in surprise.  
  
"What? I'll tell you it's a great song! All with sex and..the sex and that's always good! Don't you agree Xander? You love to give me many org-"  
  
"Argh! Get out of my way," Dawn yelled as she pushed Anya aside.  
  
"Of all the ungrateful little brats in all the world you are by fa-"  
  
The sound of Los Del Rio blasted from the stereo.  
  
"Dance," Dawn growled. "You know the moves. Do them."  
  
"Ah...listen Dawn I don't, so I'm gonna take my seat and-"Xander began.  
  
"Dance."  
  
Spike moaned and shoved his arms forward. He tried to focus on the steps Dawn had taught them a half hour ago.  
  
"... Come and find me, my name is Macarena always at the party con las chicas que soy buena come join me, dance with me and you fellows chant along with me. Move with me, chant with me And if you're good, I'll take you home with me I'll more than just take you home with me."  
  
Xander glanced at Spike and tried to follow his fumbling attempt at dancing the Macarena.  
  
Spike thought...  
  
Hands out, flip 'em over.  
  
Place 'em on your chest-cross ways.  
  
Wiggle around.  
  
Place 'em on your head.  
  
Turn around.  
  
"That looks fun," Anya exclaimed as she took a spot beside Xander and began to do the Macarena.  
  
Willow covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the laughter that threatened to come out.  
  
She was unsuccessful, as she couldn't help the laughter that erupted.  
  
"Oh goddess," she moaned as she bent over in hysterical laughter.  
  
Giles frowned as he watched the trio perform the bumbling steps to the inane song.  
  
Slowly taking off his glasses, he cleaned them.  
  
Once.  
  
Twice.  
  
"Come on Giles! Join us! This is so much fun...."  
  
"Yeh, c'mon Rupert. Join us, or I'll tell them all what you keep in your knicker drawers," Spike growled threateningly.  
  
"No...no, that won't be necessary," Giles mumbled and jumped to his feet and he too joined the festivities.  
  
"No," Dawn mumbled. "No it's not supposed to go this way," she cried. "You were supposed to be humiliated! Like me! Stop it Giles, stop it Anya! STOP!"  
  
Spike grinned as he turned around and wiggled his bottom at her.  
  
Xander laughed getting into the spirit of it.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha," he laughed as he stuck out his tongue at her.  
  
"One and a two and a three...macarena..." Anya sang along.  
  
Willow was rolling on the floor now, over come with it all.  
  
The picture they all made. Dancing around and-  
  
"I think we have the wrong house."  
  
The deep voice of a long absent friend and foe had all heads swinging towards the door.  
  
Everyone stared in horror at Angel.  
  
Spike stopped mid wiggle and growled.  
  
"Oh no," Anya moaned.  
  
"Oh yes," Xander moaned.  
  
"Heard about what's been going on here Spike," Angel growled.  
  
"Have you now?" he snapped straightening to all his 5 feet 10 inches.  
  
They stared at one another for one long moment.  
  
Abruptly Angel spoke.  
  
"And I'm gonna do what you haven't. I'm taking you down Xander!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
A/N: To be continued or not? Review and let me know. 


	3. Scoobies vs Angel

Scoobies vs. Angel  
  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Btvs and Ats.  
  
A/N: Hi all. Another chapter in this series. Enjoy. Skyz.  
  
~*~  
  
Ch: 3  
  
She could hear them. The screaming, the yelling before she actually saw them. This made Buffy wonder just what was going on.  
  
Striding quickly down the sidewalk Buffy hastened to reach her house. Only to stand still in disbelief at the scene that met her eyes as she rounded the corner onto Revello Drive.  
  
Her mouth dropped open, her eyes widened in shock and it was all she could do to keep standing as the urge to fall down in hysterical laughter ran rampant.  
  
"He's coming," Xander screamed as he raced towards her.  
  
Followed by the rest of the Scoobies.  
  
Buffy watched as Dawn stumbled, fell.  
  
"Man down, man down," Anya screamed racing past giving a Buffy a wide smile as she went.  
  
"Leave her, leave her," Willow yelled as she literally flew past riding the wind a wild somewhat manic look in her eyes.  
  
"No," Spike yelled stopping to help Dawn who was shaking her head vehemently.  
  
"No, it's me he wants. Run, run, save yourselves."  
  
"What?" was all Buffy got out before Spike swooped in, caught her in a bone crushing hug and planted a hard kiss to her lips, all the while laughing his head off.  
  
"Oh, luv," Spike said as he released her. "Gotta run, he's comin' and he aint happy. Then again, he never is and well you should know that best! We got him good we did! Buffy," he gasped out doubling over before his head shot up and he skipped backwards. "Gotta run."  
  
She watched him race after the rest and then turned her gaze to Dawn who still lay sprawled on the ground where they'd left her.  
  
"Damn," Dawn grumbled as she sat up on her hands and knees. "It's not fair! Why should I-"  
  
"Dawn language! What is going on? The last time I checked you guys were having a pizza party and Spike was going to buy you that outfit you wanted," Buffy demanded as she hauled Dawn to her feet and steered her in the direction of their house.  
  
"We were! I mean we did! Sort of. Kinda. Okay! We didn't do that, I wanted to make Spike pay for ruining my favorite outfit and we were-"  
  
Dawn's voice trailed off as she abruptly ducked behind Buffy as a blur of black suddenly whizzed past only to halt and circle back.  
  
"You," it hissed as it tried to make a grab at Dawn.  
  
She stumbled backwards, circled around Buffy to get away from it. It in turn circled Dawn.  
  
It was, Buffy mused like a cat trying to catch its tail, around and around it went until-  
  
Buffy reached out jerked the black clad figure off his feet and suspended him in the air, a look of unconcealed exasperation and growing anger on her face.  
  
"Angel," she growled as she shook him slightly. "What the hell is going on?! Dawn?!"  
  
Dawn did a little jig as she came out from behind Buffy and stuck her tongue out at Angel as he growled and hissed at her.  
  
"He came and ruined everything! Everything. He wanted to play with us! But he can't because he's not a Scooby. And he said-"  
  
"I damn well am," Angel burst out still struggling. "I am an honorary Scooby!"  
  
Fed up Buffy dropped him and shook her head.  
  
"Play? What were you playing and why in God's green earth would Angel want to play with you guys? He certainly isn't the playing type. And hello, no honorary Scooby membership for you Angel! You live in L.A., we live in Sunnydale ergo no Scooby badge for you."  
  
"I told you so," Dawn spat grinning like a loon.  
  
"What happened?" Buffy asked again.  
  
"It was like this," Angel began but Dawn cut in and spoke over him.  
  
"See we were in the middle of the Macarena and Angel up and appears..."  
  
~*~  
  
"And I'm gonna do what you haven't. I'm taking you down Xander!" Angel said coldly as he stared at Xander.  
  
"Yeh you and what army?" Xander asked arrogantly as he stepped forward and shoved his face into Angel's.  
  
Angel growled, baring his teeth and glaring down at the Zeppo.  
  
Dawn looked around nervously as the tension in the room rose to an uncomfortable level that hinted at getting very ugly very soon.  
  
"Look it Peaches, you aren't wanted here. Get outta here before the Slayer finds you here and kicks your arse back to L.A.," Spike snapped as he shoved his way forward to stand beside Xander.  
  
"No. Buffy would never do that. I am the love of her life. Forever, and ever and I take and take and eat up all the goodness in people and--," Angel bit out stubbornly.  
  
~*~  
  
"Don't make fun of what we had," Angel growled at Dawn.  
  
Dawn ducked behind Buffy.  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
"Dawn cut it out and say it straight. Go on!"  
  
~*~  
  
"Yes you are leaving," Xander countered.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Boys! Shut up," Cordelia screamed pushing between them and shoving them apart.  
  
"What are you doing here and how could you have possible heard about what we're doing here?" Willow asked carefully. "And why did you think it concerned you?"  
  
"Yeah. Why are you here Angeeelllllllllllll," Dawn drawled mockingly.  
  
"Well I watch out for Buffy, I love Buffy. I love her from afar, because I am an evil vampire when I get a happy! Happy, happy, happy! Look at me I am an ensouled vampire. I walk on water-"Angel said.  
  
~*~  
  
"Shut up," Angel snapped. "I didn't say that and I do not talk like that!"  
  
Buffy smothered her laughter and glanced at Angel, and burst out laughing at the look he had on his face.  
  
Angry for one, but shocked and insulted at the same time. Which was a feat because everyone knew Angel only really had one facial expression.  
  
"I'm sorry," she gasped out recovering her composure as she wiped her tearing eyes and glanced at Dawn. "Dawn, keep the Angel bashing to a minimum and continue alright? Angel don't snap at Dawn like that okay? Continue."  
  
~*~  
  
"We got a demon to catch," Gunn said stepping forward.  
  
Spike scowled at him and then rested his gaze on the rest of AI's ragtag group of wanna be Scoobies.  
  
"Well then get to it. We don't want you here Peaches."  
  
"Get out," Xander said agreeing with Spike.  
  
"Get out Peaches is a good one to try Harris. Or-"  
  
"Dead Boy. Evil undead. Poofter! Poof!"  
  
Spike glanced at Xander and they grinned at eachother united in their continued hate for the TPTB'S champion.  
  
"You can't talk to him like that," Fred said angrily, glaring at them all.  
  
All eyes settled on her and Fred shifted uncomfortable with all the attention she was getting.  
  
"Look it can talk," Anya, said stepping forward. "I had been wondering. You are so skinny and waif like I had wondered whether you were- "  
  
"Hey," Gunn interrupted angrily.  
  
"Don't talk to my people like that," Angel said through gritted teeth crossing his arms and glaring all around.  
  
"We'll talk to them any damn way we want they're in my house and you need...." Spike snapped shoving Angel.  
  
Soon it was a full-scale screaming match.  
  
Scoobies versus Angel Investigations.  
  
Dawn slipped out unnoticed or so she thought to the kitchen.  
  
The next thing they heard was her yelling.  
  
"Get out! Get out! Get out!"  
  
Spike threw a worried look at Xander and they dashed outside.  
  
Angel's horrified gasp was the only sound heard as they saw what Dawn had done.  
  
Until slowly, one by one the Scoobies could not help but laugh.  
  
Dawn stood next to Angel's classic GTX a couple of empty cartons of eggs in her hands. A wide defiant grin on her face as she jutted her chin upwards.  
  
"I told you to leave," was all she said her gaze going to Angel's car.  
  
It was covered in egg yolk, inside, outside.  
  
All over.  
  
All in all Dawn had done a marvelous job of covering every available surface with sticky, thick egg yolk.  
  
"No," Angel roared.  
  
Made a wild dash for Dawn as she emptied the rest of the eggs in the driver's seat.  
  
Spike however was faster.  
  
Sweeping Dawn up in his arms, he raced away.  
  
"Catch me if you can Peaches," he taunted as he ran.  
  
"Stay away from her," Willow yelled as she threw a ball of energy at Angel as he tried to race away and flew after Spike.  
  
Xander glanced at Anya and grabbing her hand he ran off, their laughter drifting after them.  
  
~*~  
  
"You egged Angel's car?" Buffy asked shocked.  
  
Dawn nodded proudly.  
  
"I have to see this," Buffy muttered and marched toward her house.  
  
Dawn kept pace with her keeping a wary eye on Angel as he strode along too mad for words.  
  
Buffy paused in her driveway.  
  
Looked the car up and down.  
  
Crossed her arms.  
  
Tilted her head back.  
  
Narrowed her eyes.  
  
Smiled.  
  
Finally roared with laughter.  
  
"It's not funny," Angel said coldly.  
  
"Oh but it is," Buffy said looking at him and laughing some more.  
  
"It's just a car! Why are you so upset about a ca-"Dawn began to ask.  
  
"It's just not any car," Angel protested. "It's a classic and you've- you've....ruined it," he sobbed falling to his knees, his head falling into his hands.  
  
Buffy and Dawn shared uncomfortable looks and hesitantly Buffy placed a hand on Angel's shoulder.  
  
He recoiled.  
  
"No! Don't touch me," he screamed. "You did this! Ruined my baby. My baby."  
  
"I thought you had a baby, thought his name was Connor or something," Dawn muttered looking at the sobbing Angel in disgust.  
  
"His name is Steven and he looks sixteen but they say he is eighteen! But how is that possible?! They said he was sixteen, they said- And he hates me!"  
  
"OOOOOOOKAY. Angel I am truly sorry for your car but really, you're making a scene. Please. Get. Up," Buffy urged as she glanced around acutely aware of all the people who had gathered to watch Dawn's display of teenage stupidity and Angel's sob session.  
  
"No, no, no," Angel moaned as he rocked himself.  
  
"Listen, you should have known better than to come here. I mean just because Spike is all soulful now doesn't me-"  
  
"Spike has a soul?" Angel yelled shocked.  
  
Buffy froze.  
  
"Uh....yes. Didn't you know?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
Angel lifted his head.  
  
Buffy took a step back at the look on his face.  
  
Stunned, incredulity, rage and hurt.  
  
"I'm not the only souled vampire any-"  
  
"He means-he's crazy. He needs his pills, don't pay him any attention," Buffy said laughing nervously before she attempted to jerk Angel to his feet.  
  
He flailed about and resisted.  
  
"I'm useless. Useless," he sobbed.  
  
"Geez get a grip Angel," Buffy snapped.  
  
"You get a grip," the cold angry voice came from the Summers porch and Buffy spun around.  
  
Scowled as Cordelia came down the stairs glaring at the Slayer.  
  
"Me?" Buffy hissed. "Look Cordelia I don't know who you think you are but you're in my town and-"  
  
"And what? You're gonna kill me? Let me tell you something Buffy. I'm not the old Cordelia anymore."  
  
Buffy's eyes racked her up and down.  
  
"Looks like the same Cordelia to me. Got the same mouth. Same attitude. Same old Cordelia. I'm gonna enjoy this."  
  
Cordelia scowled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Taking you down."  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: So what'd you think? Review and let me know if you want another. I will let you know right now I really dislike Cordelia and I want to see her get what's coming to her. Hope you enjoyed. Skyz. 


	4. Buffy vs Cordy

Spike vs. Xander Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Btvs  
  
A/N: Well inspiration takes awhile and I was inspired to write this chapter cuz of the recent events on both Btvs and Ats. I laughed when I wrote this and hope you enjoy it too.  
  
Spoilers: For Angel I think regarding Connor and Cordelia and a certain something.  
  
~*~  
Ch:4  
  
Cordelia slowly circled Buffy, arms crossed over her ample bosom. Her blonde streaked hair moved with the light breeze and the small cold smile that was on her lips made for a frightening picture.  
  
Buffy smiled widely as Cordelia finally paused facing Buffy and glared at her.  
  
"You know what you are?" Cordelia finally asked.  
  
"The Slayer?" Buffy asked laughing.  
  
"A slut," Cordy spat.  
  
"Ah watch the language Cordelia," Buffy warned. "Young people are present- oh! Wait that turns you on," Buffy exclaimed mockingly slapping a hand to her mouth.  
  
"What's she talking about?" Xander asked aloud looking confused.  
  
"Oh," Anya began excitedly but Cordy's voice cut her off.  
  
"You would think that. I mean just because you're a Vampire Layer instead of Slayer doesn't mean we're all sluts like yourself," Cordy bit out frostily.  
  
"Hey," Angel began to protest. "Just because she loved me doesn't make her a slut Cordy!"  
  
Cordy sent him a look that could have turned him to dust; he took a quick step back having the unpleasant flashbacks to evil Cordy.  
  
"You would think that. I happened to be talking about her lover Spike. That's right Angel! One wasn't enough for her!"  
  
Buffy uncrossed her arms and bounced on the balls of her feet, a grim look passing over her face as she heard Angel sputter and start up for a huge rant.  
  
Glaring at Cordy she raked her eyes up and down her.  
  
What she saw made her shake her head.  
  
"You know what? I can honestly say I used to respect that you were the original Queen C and with that came bitchiness in spades! But now what do I see? Tell me what I see Cordy," she demanded.  
  
"Bitch," Cordy spat.  
  
"Demon," Buffy retorted.  
  
"Slut!" Cordy yelled.  
  
"Um you used that already Cordelia," Willow couldn't help but point out.  
  
"Whore!" Buffy yelled right back.  
  
"Demon lover," Cordelia said smiling smugly.  
  
"Mother of a demon spawn," Buffy growled advancing on Cordelia.  
  
"Hey! He's a cute baby!" Fred exclaimed clearly offended.  
  
"Oh right. Sorry Cordy for you know...your baby's cute. I saw pictures," Buffy was quick to apologize.  
  
Cordy gave a shrug then smiled.  
  
"I know he's adorable," she gushed.  
  
Buffy smiled too.  
  
"Hey luv we aren't here to watch the warm and fuzzies. S'let her 'ave it," Spike spoke up as he looked between the women expectantly.  
  
Buffy sent him a quick look telling him to shut up.  
  
"Well you know Cordy you really have no room to call me a slut I mean considering who you've slept with recently," Buffy responded reasonable.  
  
"I was under the influence of evil!" Cordy yelled.  
  
"What'd she do?" Xander asked again looking around.  
  
"Don't you mean who'd she do? You realize Xander every woman you've dated has been a demon?" Anya asked as she gazed up at him love in her eyes.  
  
"Huh?" he asked dumbly.  
  
"She had sex with Angel's son," Willow spoke up then giving Cordelia a disgusted look.  
  
Cordy blushed looking deeply ashamed.  
  
"What?!" Xander yelled. "I thought he was a baby!"  
  
"No honey he went to a hell dimension and turned into a sixteen year old boy," Anya mock whispered.  
  
"Eighteen," Cordelia said defensively.  
  
"Well..that's just ewwwwwwww. I mean Peaches is one thing but then to shag his son," Spike gagged shaking his head.  
  
"Really, if anyone's a slut it would be you," Dawn piped up pointing at Cordelia.  
  
"C'mon give her a break," Gunn snapped.  
  
"Why? She came here with a chip on her shoulder," Buffy muttered as she realized Cordy looked to be on the verge tears.  
  
"So what other baby was Buffy talking about?" Xander asked unable to get the image of a teenager with Angel's face out of his head. Especially the one where he and Cordy had....*gulp* sex.  
  
"That's Cordy's baby," Angel spoke then, his voice cold and emotionless, much like his face.  
  
Everyone stared at him waiting for him to finish.  
  
He looked away, his face never changing as he ground out," With Connor my son."  
  
Spike burst out laughing.  
  
Buffy sent him a look.  
  
"What?" he demanded between laughs. "It's funny! Did you hear him? It's like our own little incestuous version of Jerry Springer! Priceless! 'Not m'son but m'son's son! Who slept with his step mum who then had m'son's baby. M'grandson!' Oh Peaches....I thought I'd never see the day you got back what you deserved in spades! Oh bleedin' hell!"  
  
Anya joined in on the laughter.  
  
"Well that should tell you all to always wear a condom even while sleeping with a vampire's son," she choked out.  
  
"Well at least Angel won't have to worry about having slept with his son's lover," Willow pointed out hesitantly eyeing them both.  
  
Buffy laughed about to agree when she saw the looks on both Cordy and Angel's faces. Her laughter died a slow painful death.  
  
"Angel too?" Buffy asked sickened.  
  
"Well it's not like you can talk Buffy! You're sleeping with evil, soul les- "Angel began angrily glaring at Buffy.  
  
"Hey now mate! I've gotta soul now! Nice and fresh like too. Shiny and untarnished and it 'appens to be my very own from back in the day! And I can have all the happies I want," Spike said cheerfully while he danced a little jig around Buffy, almost at the point of sticking his tongue out at the older vampire.  
  
"Perhaps we-I've stepped through some portal that's transplanted me into a realm full of immature, childish people who laugh in the face of other people's pain and-who am I kidding? I dare say Cordelia that you and Angel's son having a baby is about the sickest thing I've heard in all my long years," Giles finally spoke gravely cleaning his glasses as he fought the urge to grab a bottle of Scotch from the stash Spike kept at the Summers house.  
  
"Angel you know I didn't think you had it in you! When was this? After she'd slept with Connor or before? Cuz either way all I can say is ewwww," Buffy asked curiosly.  
  
"After," Angel mumbled ducking his head and then glancing up quickly to defend himself. "Okay so I was Angelus-it was a mistake alright! A mistake- "  
  
"A mistake?" Cordy erupted glaring at Angel who glared right back at her.  
  
"Yes," he muttered. "A mistake! A huge, humongous-"  
  
"Uh you do know that huge and humongous mean basically the same righ- shutting up now," Dawn began before she caught Angel's death glare. She ducked behind Buffy and figured she shouldn't speak again cuz obviously Angel hadn't forgotten what she'd done to his car.  
  
"I thought it was the most significant moment of my life Angel," Cordy gushed.  
  
Buffy looked perplexed.  
  
"It was?" she asked dubiously.  
  
"It was," Cordy responded reverently.  
  
"Even when he does that thing with his lips-"Buffy began.  
  
"Yes! That was amazing," Cordy agreed.  
  
"Or when he uh...you know goes all grrrr?" Buffy asked baffled and oddly curious about Cordelia's experience.  
  
"Oh that makes it even-"Cordy wanted to gush some more.  
  
"M'ears! M'ears! M'ears! They're meltin', stop it! I don't wanna hear this," Spike screamed cutting her off, clutching his head running wildly around.  
  
"Oh baby I'm sorry," Buffy apologized running to him. "It's just I can't believe it! I mean it was so -bleh compared to what you and I have," she said rubbing his back as he peeked up at her through his lashes.  
  
"I know," he responded with his patent smirk and he wagged his eyebrows as he let out a growl and attacked her. "M'better than the poof, and don't you forget it," he growled as he nipped at her neck as they rolled around their front yard.  
  
"Yes, well if you're quite finished reminiscing I suggest you-for goodness sakes Spike! Buffy! You are in your yard where everyone can see you!" Giles exploded his face red as he glared at the couple who were currently making out on the dried out grass.  
  
"Xander let's go home and show eachother how much we love one another," Anya said loudly as she tugged on his arm.  
  
He hesitated.  
  
"Ahn not now, I wanna get this straight. Cordy you slept with Angel's son and then you--"  
  
"I meant let's go have sex like Buffy and Spike are going to. Now!" Anya yelled as she began to drag him along with her.  
  
"Geez Cordy I never knew you had it in you," Xander muttered shaking his head sadly as he let himself be dragged away. "The son and the father! I mean at least you weren't a demon when we went out-oh wait you were. I-"  
  
"He's mine Cordelia! No matter what you want or who you sleep with to get Xander out of your system he's never coming back to you. I mean sure he left me at the altar and I wanted him dead for it but-as you can see we've moved past that! In fact-"  
  
"Willow can I stay with you. Cuz it looks like it's going to be a long night at casa de Summers," Dawn asked interrupting Anya's rant as she watched a laughing Spike scoop Buffy into his arms and make a mad dash to the house slamming the door behind him.  
  
Willow smiled widely.  
  
"Sure Dawnie. We'll make it girl's night out. Hit the movies, go Bronzin', and when Buffy realizes you're gone she'll be in major guilty mode. Which means-"  
  
"A trip to the mall," Willow and Dawn exclaimed in unison as they wandered after Xander and Anya.  
  
Giles slowly put his glasses back on straightened his shirt and cleared his throat. He brushed past the AI crew and regarded the good sized crowd that had gathered.  
  
"They are circus folk....You understand," he murmured stiffly before he hurried off.  
  
Left alone on the Summers front yard the AI team looked around at eachother before they settled their eyes on their fearless leader who looked pained.  
  
"Well that was interesting," Gunn commented before he looked at Angel's car then to his truck parked on the street. "Whoever wants shotgun better get a move on it," he yelled as he raced to his truck.  
  
Fred and Cordy we're mere steps behind him.  
  
Angel stood rooted to the spot glaring at the house.  
  
The sounds he was hearing he was sure, Spike was making on purpose.  
  
"How is this possible?" he wondered aloud and then shook his head. "I mean I was special. I was The Champion! I was the only souled vampire on the planet-now it's ruined," he was yelling now, waving his arms around and glaring at the people who were looking at him in fear and suspicion.  
  
"D'you mind you bloody git," Spike poked his head out the front door. "M'workin' in here! Shut the hell up!"  
  
Angel growled his face changing back to it's truest form, his yellow eyes flashing.  
  
Screams rent the air as he turned on the crowd that had gathered.  
  
"What are you staring at?!" he yelled as he turned with a swish of his black duster and stomped to his car.  
  
Grimacing and muttering about stupid teenaged girls, he pulled open the egg covered door and slipped in.  
  
He gritted his teeth as his coat and the eggs made contact.  
  
"I'm special," he kept that running mantra through out his mind as he started the engine. Glanced in the rearview mirror.  
  
Revved the engine and with a squeal of tires erupted out of the driveway, grinning maliciously as the crowd jumped out of the way in the nick of time and he told himself he wasn't disappointed he hadn't hit anyone.  
  
"I am special!!!!!!!" He screamed as he roared off down the street catching up with Gunn.  
  
~*~ A/N: So who should I do next? Willow and somebody or it's up to you guys. I love this little series so get back to me and let me know k? Hope you enjoyed this. Also I took a few liberties with this too. I know Angel and Cordy haven't had sex but still I thought it would be funny. 


	5. The Original English Badass

The Original English Badass  
  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Btvs and Ats  
  
A/N: Hi all. Thanks again for all of the reviews since last time. This newest chapter I've had in my head for months but wasn't sure how to get it out. Or if it would even be funny. But as I write these to amuse myself I think I've done a fairly good job of it. Enjoy. Skyz.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter Five:  
  
The setting: Some obscure bar in the East side of London.  
  
The Opponents: Two men formerly known as Watchers.  
  
The Purpose: Who is the Original English Badass?  
  
Your Host: Andrew.  
  
The Judges: The Scoobies.  
  
The Producer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
Refreshments: Cheese curls, hot pockets, and the first season of Deep Space Nine on DVD in case of boredom.  
  
Getaway car: That scooter at the curb!!!!!! See that Star Wars bumper sticker? George Lucas rocks!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ready?  
  
Andrew pressed the microphone in his ear and gave a wide smile to the crowd.  
  
"How y'all doing tonight? This is soooo cool! This is like when Captain Kirk met Captain Picard in Star Trek- They're two legends! Fighting for the right to part-tae! Well I'm glad you could be here with me tonight. It's a great thing we're about to see. I know you're as excited as I am to start... I'm getting the signal. Wesley's pulled in and... he's at the door!"  
  
Cue: Wild Cheers  
  
"Well our cameras are up and ready. Have some of those cheese curls they are delicious. Now sit back and enjoy the show!"  
  
~*~  
  
The smoke wafted through the air. Twirled around and caressed with deadly hands.  
  
Yet it mattered little to the man who stood silhouetted in the doorway of the Haggard Whore. It was one of those holes in the wall places that only the lowest of the low frequented.  
  
(Andrew: Such a horrible name I know! But it's gotta get better. He's stealthy like. Much ado about the stubble and the piercing look of his eyes. He's a man of mystery.)  
  
Straightening his coat the man stepped into the room and let his eyes adjust to the dimness of the room. He was on a mission. An important one that he would see completed even if it killed him.  
  
He sidled up to the bar and ordered a scotch on the rocks.  
  
"Heard you was lookin' fer someone..."  
  
The rough voice came from beside him and with a casual flick of his eyes the man nodded.  
  
"What of it?" the stranger asked.  
  
"M'be I could help you with that," the bearded and appallingly smelly man replied.  
  
"Maybe you can."  
  
The stranger took his glass from the bartender and took a sip.  
  
(Andrew: That's the barkeep. We use bartender in America and since they're in England they use different words. Like when we say schedule they say schawachal. Doesn't that remind you of Laverne and Shirley? I mean- Shameezal-)  
  
"I'm looking for," he paused and glanced at the man at his side.  
  
Crowd: Waited with baited breath!!!!  
  
"Who?" the smelly man demanded. He had other mysterious strangers to offer his services to!  
  
"The Original English Badass," the stranger announced with a slight smirk.  
  
Crowd: Gasped in shock!  
  
The man gasped in shock, all conversation in the bar stopped as one by one men and women stood. Until there was only one man left seated.  
  
In a table in the back shrouded in shadows and cigarette smoke he was the Original English Badass.  
  
"Well, well if it isn't Wesley Whyndam-Pryce," Rupert Giles drawled out with a slight laugh.  
  
Wesley pushed off the bar and faced Giles.  
  
(Andrew: Oooooh! He's calling him out! Like in- The sound of Andrew's voice was abruptly cut off.)  
  
Sauntering to the table Wes had to jump out of the way when Giles lifted one motorcycle clad foot and kicked the opposite chair out.  
  
"Why thank you pardner," Wes replied.  
  
Giles inclined his head.  
  
"What brings you to this hole in the wall cowboy-er I mean Wesley?" Giles asked.  
  
(Producer: No commentary while they're speaking Andrew! Just because you're the only one who would host this doesn't mean you're running this show! Shut it!)  
  
"You know why I'm here," Wes snapped unwilling to go into it further.  
  
"Well only a bloody fool would try and take the title as Original English Badass! And think to win it!" Giles mocked shaking his head.  
  
"There is no doubt in my mind that I am the original Rupert!"  
  
"Why? Just because you've acquired this scruffy look? Taken to brooding so you deserve the title?" Giles asked curiously.  
  
"Oh and you deserve it because...? I have never heard of any of your exploits Rupert. You can't hold a candle to me. After all I'm-"  
  
"Wesley Whyndam-Pryce hyphen Demon Hunter extraordinaire. Of course I forgot that tidbit! As I am the elder-"  
  
"What's this I hear 'bout you two boys being the Original English Badass?" the cockney accent boomed in the silent room as Spike swaggered, black duster swishing with every step forward.  
  
(Andrew: Oh it's Spike! He's a vampyre! Isn't he cool? I mean with the blond hair and the dashing duster? I hear he stole it from a Slayer he killed back in- He's my hero-or was when I was bad. Which I'm not anymore! I am reformed! Cuz I killed my bestfriend Jonathan and-)  
  
(Producer: Spike isn't someone to worship and if anyone'll be worshipin' him it will be me! Shut up Andrew!)  
  
(Andrew meekly: Yes Buffy.)  
  
"If anyone is, it would be me! What with me being older than the both of you by a good hundred years."  
  
Spike straddled a chair and grinned all around.  
  
Wes regarded him with acute distaste. Giles rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
  
"You seem to be forgettin' me there lad."  
  
All three Englishmen groaned.  
  
"Bloody Irish," they chorused.  
  
"If I wanted I could be defined as the-"Angel began as he took a seat.  
  
"As the furrowed brow poof with his cursed soul," Spike cut in with a snicker.  
  
"As the Original European Badass," Angel went on smoothly while glaring at Spike.  
  
"We aren't here for that Angel," Wes crisply replied. "English would imply you had to be English."  
  
Angel pouted as he crossed his arms.  
  
"Well I could be if I wanted," he muttered to himself.  
  
"Let's get started then," Spike announced loudly.  
  
"I am and always will be the Original English Badass," Wes proclaimed proudly.  
  
"Why you bloody wanker-"Giles muttered angrily.  
  
"You're the wanker Rupert-"  
  
(Andrew: Are they talking about wieners? Cuz it sounds like-)  
  
"Prick..."  
  
"Braggart..."  
  
"Pissant..."  
  
They glared at eachother at a loss for words.  
  
"You Billy Billy bon bon," Giles finally spat out.  
  
Wes's brows rose in surprise.  
  
"What? That-Giles that isn't an insult," Angel announced slowly.  
  
"Shut up," Giles snapped. "Why are you even here?"  
  
"It sounded like an insult to me. Score one to us!" Spike exclaimed as he shook a fist.  
  
Giles and Spike shared a grin.  
  
"You... You... Tilly Tilly tot tot," Wes finally retorted with a smug grin.  
  
Spike burst out laughing.  
  
"That's not an insult! It's-"  
  
"Score one to us! It sounded like an insult to me," Angel exclaimed.  
  
(Andrew: Ut-oh. Judges what say you?)  
  
(Judges: No point! Tilly is not insulting. Giles's point stands!)  
  
Angel listened with growing anger to the judges' remarks.  
  
"No fair," he grumbled.  
  
"Life isn't fair or haven't you heard?" Spike asked sarcastically. "C'mon! Bring it on."  
  
"Well," Giles began hesitantly, "at least my Slayer never went evil!"  
  
Wes stiffened.  
  
"Well at least my Slayer hasn't bedded two vampires!"  
  
Giles sucked in an outraged breath.  
  
(Producer: I object to that! He makes it sound so dirty! It wasn't.)  
  
(Andrew: For all of you who don't know Buffy the Vampyre Slayer is Giles' Slayer. She's had sexual relations with two notorious vampyre's...)  
  
"Well my Slayer has never tried to kill me!" Giles yelled.  
  
Wes frowned.  
  
"Really?" Wes asked curiously.  
  
Giles tilted his head and pondered this.  
  
"Yes. She's never tried to kill me. Except when I was a Fyral demon but then... she recognized me. So no she's never tried to kill me," Giles was happy to report.  
  
"Score two," Spike replied. "Sides Buffy only tries to kill her friends," Spike remarked with a fond smile.  
  
Wes pouted.  
  
(Producer: I don- I never set out to kill them! I swear it's usually due to a spell or- lack of food! I swear I become a wild beast if I don't eat! I love you guys! I do!)  
  
Cue Audience: AWWW  
  
(Judges: We love you too Buffster! You rule!)  
  
"And lovers," Angel added bitterly.  
  
"Well you deserved it. Tryin' to end the world and what not," Spike snapped.  
  
"Well at least my Slayer has never been accused of mu- Oh well at least my Slayer has never run from her responsibility!" Wes finally managed to get out.  
  
(Andrew: She didn't run she murdered her way out of responsibility folks. Let's say it together: Murder is wrong. Murder is wrong... Maybe it'll stick.)  
  
"My Slayer has never gone evil or berserk," Giles responded.  
  
"You said that before! Listen here Rupert at least I've never left my Slayer!" Wes said.  
  
Giles actually growled.  
  
"I did it for her own good! Besides Buffy-"  
  
"She really tried to kill her friends?" Angel asked his usual mask of confusion firmly in place.  
  
"More than once," Giles reluctantly replied.  
  
"Well at least my Slayer hasn't tried to kill her friends. Because she has none," Wes declared in triumph.  
  
"Score two for us! Go Wes!"  
  
"Bloody hell that aint right! Buffy was possessed and hey Faith tried to kill them all too!" Spike complained.  
  
(Judges: Wesley's point stands. We weren't Faith's friends. Well her lover but that doesn't-)  
  
"You only hurt the ones you love and all that rubbish isn't that right Spike?" Giles asked.  
  
"She killed me now that's love," Angel remarked.  
  
"She once beat the shit outta me. Could never bring herself to do me in. Not even when I was being controlled by the First. I've got her back-"  
  
"We're off track! I am the Ripper. I am a wrath like no other. I control the black arts. Have you seen my tattoo?"  
  
Giles's rolled up his sleeve and shoved his arm out for all to see.  
  
"Isn't that rather badass?" he asked.  
  
Wesley scowled.  
  
He had no tattoo.  
  
"She'll always love me best," Angel told Spike.  
  
(Producer: No I won't!)  
  
Spike ignored him.  
  
"What've you got Wes? You got any tattoos?" Spike demanded.  
  
"No," Wes muttered dejectedly.  
  
"No tattoos. Score three for us. What else you got there Giles?" Spike asked.  
  
"Why didn't you get any tattoos to go with the stubble?" Angel angrily asked Wes.  
  
"I-I don't like needles," Wes mumbled.  
  
Giles dug through his pockets and produced a picture.  
  
"See here? Look at this. I've got black nail polish on. I've got my hair all spiked up too! And the rings! Look I'm bloody Goth like!"  
  
"Four, five and six scores for us! Whoo hoo bleedin' amazing you are Rupert. Right rebel you are!"  
  
Wes dug frantically through his own pockets and came up with nothing but lint.  
  
"He owns a motorcycle," Angel piped up. "So there!"  
  
"Oh a motorcycle. Scary..." Spike snickered in disdain.  
  
"Well that's... Slightly impressive," Giles muttered.  
  
"And leather! I've leather pants!" Wes exclaimed.  
  
"Score three and four for us!" Angel announced bouncing in his seat.  
  
Spike nodded.  
  
"Leather pants have a certain appeal I'll give you that."  
  
"I have a duster," Giles hurriedly cut in.  
  
"You do watcher?" Spike asked in surprise.  
  
"Yes, it's brown. The shoulders are wide and there's-"  
  
"Dusters are big and useless," Wes sputtered indignantly.  
  
"They are not. You can hide weapons and bottles of whisky in 'em. They're good for a whole lot you useless twit!"  
  
(Andrew: Spike used to be an alcoholic. He's in Demons Anonymous.)  
  
"He's right Wesley. Dusters are not only useful but stylishly cool. A badass would wear a duster or a suit," Angel said.  
  
"Only a poof would fight evil in a suit," Spike snarked with disgust. "Score us six on that."  
  
"Five for the leather pants for us then," Angel countered.  
  
"You're still losing," Spike smirked.  
  
"Well I have this here stubble and raw sexual magnetism," Wes said with a wide smile.  
  
Spike slung a companionable arm over Giles's shoulders.  
  
"Rupert here has a quiet sexual appeal to him. Sort of eases you into it. Sexy bloke he is. So it's settled then Rupert here is the undisputed Original English Badass!"  
  
"Nooooo," Wes yelled in despair. He had tried so hard to become a new and broodier Wesley. Yet it hadn't been enough!  
  
"It's over Wes," Angel sadly replied. "It's over."  
  
"May I present the one and the only Original English Badass..."  
  
Crowd: Wild applause and wolf whistles!  
  
"Rupert 'Ripper' Giles! Watcher of the longest lived Slayer, The best Slayer ever and my very own girl Buffy Anne Summers! We did it Giles!"  
  
Spike hugged Giles who fiddled with his glasses and gave a watery laugh.  
  
"Well," he began with a small smile. "There are so many people to thank... Firstly I would like to give thanks to my parents..."  
  
"I was robbed," Wes roared as Angel pulled him kicking and screaming from the bar.  
  
(Andrew: Well there you have it folks. It's settled not that there was any doubt Giles is now the supreme badass of England. Which is weird because I always thought that would be James Bond. Timothy Dalton not Sean Connery. I mean he's suave and sophisticated-)  
  
(Producer: Sign off Andrew. It's over and done with!)  
  
(Andrew: To all a goodnight and keep those crosses handy there are vampyres' out tonight. That's why I'm getting a ride with the Slayer. She'll protect me. Because I am now a member of the elite Scoob-"  
  
"Andrew," Buffy poked him in the shoulder.  
  
Andrew looked around in surprise as he found himself standing in the kitchen of the Summers house.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy frowned.  
  
"You okay? You wanted me to let you know when Speed Racer was on. It's on now. You sure you're okay?" she asked in concern.  
  
Andrew nodded vigourously.  
  
"Have you ever wondered who would win as the Original English Badass?" he asked Buffy as he followed her into the livingroom.  
  
"Pierce Brosnan," was Buffy's immediate answer.  
  
"Actually he's Irish," Andrew countered.  
  
"Well he's sexy as hell either way," Buffy shrugged it off.  
  
"Sexier than Spike?" Andrew asked slyly.  
  
"No on is sexier than me boy and you'd better believe it!" Spike yelled from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Have you been telling stories again Andrew?" Willow asked as she wandered in.  
  
"No! Well..." Andrew began.  
  
"I still think Sabrina is better than that stuffy old witch Tabitha," Dawn told Willow as they settled down to watch Speed Racer.  
  
"Oh Dawnie, poor confused and diluted Dawnie," Andrew began. "The only cool witch is the Scarlet Witch sister to Quicksilver and daughter to the devastatingly handsome and brooding Magneto..."  
  
"Shut up Andrew," everyone yelled.  
  
Andrew pouted. 


End file.
